Today, September 7, 2024, marks 31 years since my last romantic relationship ended. As I look back, there are several reasons why this particular relationship, which lasted eight and a half years and resulted in an engagement, came to an end. Part of the reason was that I had passed the exam for my Technician Class Amateur Radio license and received my license eleven months earlier. The woman I was going to marry couldn't stand Amateur Radio.
I started in the DX hobby in October of 1981, when I was a freshman in high school. That was a contributing factor to my being unable to date while I was in high school. Most teenage girls who grew up in the 1980s, from what I saw, weren't tolerant of, nor were understanding of why I would listen to international broadcasters on shortwave or distant AM (or medium wave) stations like the 50,000-watt stations out of Chicago, New York, Boston, Atlanta, Cincinnati, New Orleans, Minneapolis/Saint Paul, Dallas/Fort Worth or Denver. My former fiancée only tolerated my AM broadcast band DXing to a certain extent. She was a fan of a certain baseball player who finished his career with the Texas Rangers; back in 1993, their games were carried on WBAP 820 Fort Worth.
The late Saint Louis DXer Terry Klasek (1947-2011) wrote on DXers and relationships. Late in life, he wrote that most DXers are loners. Well, could that mean that many DXers are loners? I know of a number of DXers who are married; some couples even partake in the hobby. Many of my fellow Amateur Radio operators (or "Hams") are married...I know several couples who partake in the hobby in the local radio clubs I'm in. The DXers who are married tend to be tolerant of their spouse's hobbies. Tolerance of my being a DXer and a Ham has been a sticking point in my ability to establish relationships. I require the woman I would have married to be tolerant of my radio hobbies. I keep the case of another long-gone Saint Louis DXer, Rich Eddie (1948-1996), in mind. He was married for several years to the former Norma Jean Osborn. She had him throw away over 2,500 QSL cards and letters, including the collection of the late Chicago DXer Richard Pistek (1950-1980). What was important to her was her fandom of Country music, especially the now-defunct Nashville Network. Hearing what happened to Rich from Terry really unnerved me.
Klasek also wrote on DXer's priorities in The World According to Klasek, a commentary column in the bulletin of the old Saint Louis International DXers (SLIDX) bulletin, The Gridly Wave. He went into Richard Pistek's case. As I recall reading, Pistek worked for the United States Postal Service to support his DXing, and did little else but DX on his off hours. The death of his mother hit him extremely hard, leading to his taking his own life on December 17, 1980. This was the saddest story I've read in my more than four decades in the hobby.
I've taken up other hobbies in addition to DXing and Ham Radio, most notably photography. I took up photography in 2004, when I got a Kodak digital camera with a new computer. I upgraded to a Canon PowerShot push-button focus camera in 2015; it was one of my mother's last requests before she passed away that year. Photography has taken me to various natural landmarks and historic sites around the Saint Louis area, as well as to Chicago, IL and Erie, PA. In recent months, I've taken my camera to Iron and Reynolds Counties in Missouri, where several of my ancestors came from, as well as Hannibal, MO and Springfield, IL.
Besides being tolerant and supportive of my hobbies (especially DXing), I was also strict on her not letting money stand in the way of any potential relationship. Unfortunately, that kind of woman is rare, if she even exists. I've met too many women in Saint Louis who let money stand in the way of any relationship, let alone marriage. She would have also accepted the fact that I was once engaged to be married. Too many women I've met consider men like me to be "damaged goods". She would also have been looking for her first (and only) husband. The reason why I require this is that a divorce (namely her parents' divorce) played a major role in ending my last relationship. She also would have come from a stable family (as in having or having had parents who stayed true to their wedding vows, like my parents did for 56 years until my mother's death). She would have subscribed to the attitude that "age is just a number". Not many do. She would have been required to be a citizen of the United States and originally from the Saint Louis region. To me, "meeting half way" means Webster Groves, Alton, Saint Charles or Clayton, not New York, Los Angeles or Miami. Most importantly, she would have had to be a Roman Catholic or willing to convert, like I did in the 1994-95 academic year. When I was in my last relationship, I was a Southern Baptist and she didn't believe in God, as she never got over childhood hero worship. I did not realize the error of staying in my last relationship until I read 2 Corinthians 6:14-15. I would give this advice to folks considering dating (let alone a relationship): DO NOT DATE UNTIL YOU READ 2 CORINTHIANS 6:14-15!
I've been through with dating and relationships for 14 years now. On September 7, 2010, I threw in the proverbial towel in deference to my personal well-being. When one is stood up too much and very badly burned, it damages one's trust in dating and relationships. I've accepted my status as a single person.
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